


love the cronch

by velvetnoodle (goldfishsunglasses)



Series: the one where harry is an alien [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alien Harry Styles, Crack, M/M, food?, improper use of, not in a sexy way soz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-02 20:45:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16312397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldfishsunglasses/pseuds/velvetnoodle
Summary: The first time Louis made the mistake of introducing Harry to a mate, it had ended with a cracked jar of peanut butter and a very bewildered Zayn questioning Louis’ choice in men.ORlouis’ new boyfriend is a 1900 year old alien who never fucking learned how to eat





	love the cronch

**Author's Note:**

> TL;DR harry's an alien, louis' not, and they're back on earth again

The first time Louis made the mistake of introducing Harry to a mate, it had ended with a cracked jar of peanut butter and a very bewildered Zayn questioning Louis’ choice in men. He still isn’t quite sure what transpired - one moment he’s following behind Harry as they traipse through Zayn’s flat, and the next there’s a shout and a crash. Or maybe a crash and a shout. Either way, it ended with peanut butter on the floor and judgemental eyes as he worked to keep his… His Harry from licking the stuff off the floor. It’s not the most alien-like thing Harry’s done lately, but it’s the most he’s done in front of Zayn. It’d been a hell of a first meeting. 

(Zayn still won’t let it go.)

Lottie finds Harry hilarious, thinks he’s quirky in the most delightful way, and gets immense pleasure from teaching him random earthly facts. Facts that he’ll whip out at the most inconvenient times. Like when they’d gone to Brighton on a whim  and Louis had just handed Harry some candy floss only to be informed that “In France, they call this ‘Daddy’s beard’,” followed by an eager, “didja know that, Lou?” 

He had not. It’d put him right off the treat, too. Bloody Lottie. 

Then there had been the first time Louis witnessed Harry eating human food. It’d given him an idea of how it worked on Harry’s planet, but it didn’t do anything to lessen the shock of watching Harry dive into everything tongue-first. Like he was sampling before tasting. Like a fucking lizard, or something. (Although, he supposes, Harry’s ability to use his tongue expertly in other ways helped Louis get over his initial reaction fairly quickly.) 

It’d still been dead weird, though.

None of these incidences, however, compare to what Louis just walked in on. 

“Are you eating popcorn kernels? What the hell, Harry? Why?”

Harry pauses, hand halfway in the bag and mouth open enough that Louis can spy some half-chewed kernels inside. It’s revolting. It’s absolutely disgusting, and if Louis weren’t so bloody enamoured with his freaky alien boyfriend, he’d leave him right this fucking minute. 

“Is this not correct?” he asks. A bit of unpopped corn flies out of his mouth and lands on the sofa cushion, and Louis is seconds away from crying. Or laughing. Possibly both at the same time. He might possibly be doing it already, he’s not exactly sure. 

“No, Harold, that is absolutely not correct. You’re meant to pop it.”

“Pop what? The bag? Why would I do that when I could just open it?”

Louis groans and sits down heavily on the sofa next to Harry. (He can’t see the kernel anymore. He suspects it’s now stuck to his jeans, but that’s future Louis’ problem.) “I mean put it in the microwave so the kernels pop.”

“I don’t understand.”

“I can show you. If you want, I mean. You’ll need to get a new bag, though.”

“What’s wrong with this one? I don’t want to be wasteful. Your planet has too much rubbish already, you know.”

“Yes, thank you for the reminder, oh enlightened one. Now come on, let’s make some proper popcorn.”

“We can’t.”

“Why not?”

“This is the last bag.”

Fucking Hell. Christ. “Fine, let’s just get some more, then.”

***

One trip to Tesco later, and they’ve obtained more popcorn. As well as a random assortment of items, including, but not limited to: 1 jackfruit, 3 tins of frankfurters, a package of scented markers, far too many vanilla candles for one person’s lifetime, and an entire shelf’s worth of Pellegrino. 

Louis really needs to learn how to say no. 

Harry leans his head on Louis’ shoulder and watches as the bag expands. Louis had expected more of a reaction, really, more questions. Confusion. Something beyond this quiet observation. It’s nice, though. Quiet moment like this. It’s dead nice. 

The microwave pings. 

Harry’s still plastered to his back as Louis removes the bag, grabs a bowl, and pours in the properly popped popcorn for Harry’s perusal. Harry slowly reaches out and takes a handful. His tongue darts out quickly, grabs several pieces, and Louis waits with bated breath for Harry’s reaction. He predicts it’ll be a good one. And all his efforts won’t have gone to waste. (Unlike the Pellegrino Harry inevitably ended up hating.)

“This reminds me of something we have on my home planet,” he says once he swallows. 

Well, Louis certainly wasn’t expecting that. He blinks. “Oh?”

“Yes. And I hate it.”

Harry’s declaration is followed by him reaching past Louis for an unopened bag of popcorn -unpopped, of course - and Louis can’t even get himself to try and stop it. It’s things like this that remind him just how different he and Harry actually are, and it usually leads to a crisis where he locks himself in the bathroom and sits in the tub while questioning why the fuck he’s dating an actual, literal, alien. 

And then Harry will climb in beside him, kiss Louis’ cheek, and murmur a quiet “I love you,” in his ear. And Louis will remember: Oh, yes. That’s why. 

(At least, until the thing with the watermelon happens.) 

**Author's Note:**

> [reblog on tumblr here :D](http://velvetnoodle.tumblr.com/post/179097715437/the-first-time-louis-made-the-mistake-of)


End file.
